Apologies
by Alikins
Summary: Post-Ep for Drought Conditions. Josh needs to do some apologizing.


Title: Apologies

Summary: Post-Ep for _Drought Conditions_. Josh needs to do some apologizing.

Disclaimer: If they were mine, they wouldn't be doing what they've been doing.

Author's Note: Never did I imagine that the first piece I'd ever post would be a 6th season Post-Ep featuring Josh and Donna, but…here it is. Hope you enjoy it.

Apologies

The music plays, the conversation flows, and Josh stands alone, swirling his drink. The Congressman is mingling and mixing, and Kate seems to be occupying Will's time, but Josh has no one to speak to. He won't be allowed within ten feet of the President, and Cliff Calley's presence isn't prompting him to test that boundary. No, he'd much rather sulk. Thankfully, there has been no sign of Toby or Senator Rafferty, and besides a passing whack on the head, CJ's left him alone. Alone, as he's been for months.

Ronna had attempted to make mindless small talk with him, and they'd been doing all right, until he'd slipped and called her 'Donna.' And, as she always did, Ronna smiled while he fumbled through an apology and excused herself to find someone else to talk to. So, once again Josh was left alone, scanning the room for the woman who had always been at his side during these things.

Eventually Josh catches her entering the room, her dress standing out from the rest, a stunning green, making her pale skin seem even paler. Green cannot describe it; it's much more vibrant, like emerald, chartreuse. Is chartreuse even green? Maybe it's red? Who the hell knows? It sounds exotic, and she looks it.

Her gaze flits around the room, searching for something. It lands on him, and they lock eyes for a moment before he quickly glances away. And then, despite himself, he looks back at her.

She's coming towards him, strong, determined.

He might be slightly panicked, but she reaches him quickly, grabbing his arm, and for the second time in one day, she's dragging him out of the room.

"Come with me," she orders, somewhat pointlessly, since they're already halfway to wherever they're going.

"You know, Donna, people might start talking," he smirks.

She sighs, pushing him into an empty room, finally stopping. She glares at him. "You are going to apologize."

"I…I'm sorry?" he says, haltingly.

"Not to me, Jackass."

"You know, when you worked for me, you were never so…forceful."

"And you were never this much of a Jackass. Don't get me wrong," she says, gaining pitch and speed. "You were certainly a Jackass, and at times I didn't think you could possibly be a bigger one, but…and juvenile, too! I mean, the chickens, how schoolyard was that? And now you're fighting?"

Josh had been listening, not caring that she was yelling, as long as she was yelling at him. But now he's had enough. "That's what this is about? You've barely said five sentences to me in months, and you're lecturing me about Toby?"

There was a time when his anger would have caused her to back down, but she's just as angry. "I thought it was a joke, or that Will was being sarcastic. But you couldn't have really…and then there he was at the bar, and he was bruised, and…how the hell could you actually do that to him, Josh?"

"Hey, I wasn't the only one involved, you know!"

"What, you going to tell me 'He started it' next?"

"He did!" She glares at him, and he lets out a surprised gasp. "He was feeding the plan to Rafferty! You're the one who came and showed it to me!"

"Not so you'd go and attack him, Josh! I didn't even know it was Toby!"

"Well, why did you show it to me?"

"Rafferty was using inside information and compromising—"

He shakes his head. "She was taking away our press, that doesn't hurt Russell at all."

"The press doesn't belong to you."

"Whatever, you didn't need to come to me."

"I thought you'd like to know. I thought you'd find the leak and take care of it, and the Vice President wouldn't be linked to anything. I didn't think you'd _attack_ Toby."

"Once again, I wasn't the only one involved, and, somehow, I think Toby was spared this harangue. Why should I be the one to apologize?"

She looks at him, her blue eyes impossibly large. "He just lost his brother, Josh. Do you really want him to lose another one?"

Her words stop him, and he sighs, staring at her for a moment. She's filled with such care and compassion, and it annoys him. There was a time when she was always on his side. When that care and compassion was directed towards him. Now she's yelling at him on Toby's behalf.

"You know, years ago, when we'd sit on my stoop and drink beers, when we'd bet on football, when we were handling re-election, living in the office…when we'd come in on Sundays, just because we were so caught up in the work that we didn't understand what weekends were meant for, and all we'd do was sit in his office and read the papers…maybe then that would have worked. But not now. Not now, when he doesn't return phone calls, and he doesn't tell me what's going on in his life, and he goes out of his way to sabotage everything I've devoted myself to—not now, when he doesn't even stop when he sees me in the hallways!"

"What'd you expect, Josh, a parade? You left."

He snorts. "Oh, that's…that's _rich_, coming from you."

She presses her lips together tightly. "I left you. I didn't leave the team."

"Let me tell you something, Donna. You might still be able to get in the building, but Bingo Bob is not part of 'the team'."

She glares. "It's Vice President Russell, and—"

"And why was it okay for you to leave me? I was part of the team, you know."

"Yeah, for how long, Josh? God!" She walks away, as far away as the tiny room will allow, clenching her fists together. "Was it even a week, after me, that you were off, chasing your pipe dream? And were you going to tell me? Any notice at all?" She turns, giving him a frustrated look. "No. You would have just expected me to follow you, never mind that I had a job and a life, I was just supposed to come along, because you had phones that needed answering!"

He stares at her, unable to speak for a moment. "You were more than that."

She shakes her head. "Not enough more."

"Yes," he insists.

"Well, now I am more."

"Yeah, for Bingo Bob." She just rolls her eyes, not bothering to argue. When did she stop arguing with him? "You could have been more with me. With the Congressman."

"I tried to talk to you, Josh. I tried. You didn't want to hear it."

"I didn't know—"

"You didn't _want_ to know." She shrugs. "I wasn't going to wait around for you to realize what I'm capable of. How many times over the years did I ask to do more, take on more responsibility?"

"I…I tried. I did, Donna."

She seems to soften, letting out a breath. "I…I believe that…that you were, trying. I mean, it's not like…like I think you were sitting around, plotting to keep me down. But, damn it, Josh, I _was_ down. And I know, I have no formal education, I didn't even make it through—"

"That doesn't matter, Donna."

"Don't. You're a graduate of Harvard and Yale," she says, adopting the tone he'd used so many times. "And I wasn't a sophomore at University of Wisconsin, and it's been ten years now, of dodging the question when college comes up, so don't you tell me it doesn't matter."

He bites his lip, chagrined. "I just meant…it never mattered to me."

She nods. "Thank you."

"Hell, eight years with me, you should get some sort of degree for that."

She laughs, a genuine laugh, and he makes a mental note to degrade himself more often, anything for that laugh. And he finally sees it again, the compassion. He knows he'll give in now.

"Apologize," she says again, almost pleading this time. "You just…you're arrogant and cocky, and everyone thinks that's what makes you good at what you do, but they're wrong. It's the other side of you, the kindness, and the sweetness. The guy who…" her voice breaks slightly, and she takes a moment. "Who writes something so touching and beautiful in a book cover, that's the same guy who fights so brilliantly with anyone who dares to oppose you. The cockiness gives you the courage, but the kindness gives you the fire. And I'm just…I'm so afraid. You're out there fighting on your own, and I'm afraid that if you cut out the people who love you, the people you care about, I'm afraid that you'll lose that fire. You'll get lost, and you'll just be another cynical politician."

He stares at her, and she stares back, tears in her eyes, but not flowing over.

"So please apologize to Toby. 'Cause first it's Toby, then CJ…Sam's already halfway gone, and…how long until I'm just a former assistant?"

"No," he whispers. "Never, Donatella."

She shakes her head. "It's already happening, to all of us. We're scattered, and I feel like everything we spent the past eight years doing is falling apart. I mean, I know that it had to end eventually, but…this was the most important thing I'd ever done, and I don't want to lose it. And I always thought that it would kind of live on, in us. We could keep the Bartlet administration going, in everything we do. No matter where we're working, we could help each other out, all of us. And then we'd know that everything we accomplish, it's due to our time together in the White House. Our own Bartlet legacy." She shakes her head again. "Who knows, it's probably just…some idealized dream. But…I just don't want it to fall apart before the next guy's even elected."

Josh swallows the lump in his throat, and he can see it now. Everything's so clear to him.

"If I ever…Donna, if I've ever led you to believe that you are anything short of incredible…if I ever made you doubt, or made you think that I doubted, just how important and capable you are…I am so sorry, Donna. If I made you leave, I just…"

He trails off, and reaches out, taking her hand. She avoids eye contact, starring at their hands instead. He squeezes.

"I just never wanted to lose you."

"I'm not lost, Josh."

"No," he agrees. "You are the opposite of lost."

He drops her hand suddenly, and she finally snaps her head up to see him walking towards the door. "Josh?" she wonders.

"I believe there's a man at the bar I need to see."

She smiles, grateful, happy, and charmed, all at once. He starts to leave again.

"By the way, Donna," he says, stopping in the doorway. "You look great. Not the dress…you."

He closes the door, and Donna bows her head again, finally wiping away tears.

"Thank you, Joshua," she says to the empty room.


End file.
